Aliza Kim
"I'm Married, Get me out Of Here!" By Sheikh Omar Suleman (On Divorce)
Scenario: A pair who after a few months of marriage have found that feelings have changed and are now in severe hardship.
Why does this happen?
(1) No Premarital Preparation
What's needed is premarital counseling. Just like a driving test that needs both a written and practical test...a couple needs to be trained and educated.
-Being "in love" is temporary. Also there needs to be a way to differentiate between love and infatuation.
-Needs, expectations and preferences begin to become apparent after some time. Love is never enough. Love changes. Love will not get you through everything, it will not get you through every obstacle, it is not enough to work things out.
-Marriages often are not pleasing to Allah SWT so how can they survive, how can they be successful? They don't start right according to the sunnah and so problems start right away. There are many examples but one is having an extravagant walimah putting the couple in financial strain from the beginning.
(2) Outside interference - Your in-laws, parents, friends. You should never have to choose between your parents and spouse. Anyone who does this should be reminded to fear Allah SWT.
(3) Unable to communicate - They just can't talk. They feel that he or she should "just know...can't they see?" People are not mind readers. You have to tell your spouse what you feel to find solutions.
(4) Trail and Error Mentality - You cannot just try one person and if it doesn't work then go to the next. You can't do this because you are dealing with people. They are not objects that can just be switched out. There will be emotional damage.
- If you are in a marriage that cannot work anymore and you have done all you can then now you must speak about divorce as a part of Islam. PROPHET MUHAMMAD SAW ALSO DIVORCED SOME OF HIS WIVES and he was the best person who has ever lived. The sahabah also divorced. But you must divorce for your Deen not simply for happiness (although relief, happiness and peace can come from it). After divorcing this should make you better in your Deen. Don't make divorce an excuse to become lax in your religion, it should free you from hardship so it is easier for you in your Deen.
-Remember istiqarah - If your marriage cannot go on then ask for Allah SWT specifically to facilitate the exit for you then act.
**If you must separate, separate in the best way possible. Fear Allah SWT and do it in the best way you can.
LOCAL TRIVIA
-One of the highest causes of divorce in Malaysia is because women have financial independence. Women don't need to put effort to stay in a marriage due to fear of financial hardship. They are not dependent on their husband so it's easier to just walk away.
-In Malaysia there is 1 divorce every 10 minutes, some say 4 minutes.
# ????
Scenario: A pair who after a few months of marriage have found that feelings have changed and are now in severe hardship.
Why does this happen?
(1) No Premarital Preparation
What's needed is premarital counseling. Just like a driving test that needs both a written and practical test...a couple needs to be trained and educated.
-Being "in love" is temporary. Also there needs to be a way to differentiate between love and infatuation.
-Needs, expectations and preferences begin to become apparent after some time. Love is never enough. Love changes. Love will not get you through everything, it will not get you through every obstacle, it is not enough to work things out.
-Marriages often are not pleasing to Allah SWT so how can they survive, how can they be successful? They don't start right according to the sunnah and so problems start right away. There are many examples but one is having an extravagant walimah putting the couple in financial strain from the beginning.
(2) Outside interference - Your in-laws, parents, friends. You should never have to choose between your parents and spouse. Anyone who does this should be reminded to fear Allah SWT.
(3) Unable to communicate - They just can't talk. They feel that he or she should "just know...can't they see?" People are not mind readers. You have to tell your spouse what you feel to find solutions.
(4) Trail and Error Mentality - You cannot just try one person and if it doesn't work then go to the next. You can't do this because you are dealing with people. They are not objects that can just be switched out. There will be emotional damage.
- If you are in a marriage that cannot work anymore and you have done all you can then now you must speak about divorce as a part of Islam. PROPHET MUHAMMAD SAW ALSO DIVORCED SOME OF HIS WIVES and he was the best person who has ever lived. The sahabah also divorced. But you must divorce for your Deen not simply for happiness (although relief, happiness and peace can come from it). After divorcing this should make you better in your Deen. Don't make divorce an excuse to become lax in your religion, it should free you from hardship so it is easier for you in your Deen.
-Remember istiqarah - If your marriage cannot go on then ask for Allah SWT specifically to facilitate the exit for you then act.
**If you must separate, separate in the best way possible. Fear Allah SWT and do it in the best way you can.
LOCAL TRIVIA
-One of the highest causes of divorce in Malaysia is because women have financial independence. Women don't need to put effort to stay in a marriage due to fear of financial hardship. They are not dependent on their husband so it's easier to just walk away.
-In Malaysia there is 1 divorce every 10 minutes, some say 4 minutes.
# ????
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